Top On-Screen 'Romances' that Reinforce Struggle-Love Narratives

Films and TV shows often romanticize "struggle love,” which portrays love as something Black women must fight for while enduring infidelity, emotional and physical neglect, love bombing and unreciprocated love before finally being rewarded with love. These stories get framed as romantic, but they subtly endorse the idea that women must suffer to be worthy of happiness.  

Ranked from the least problematic to the most extreme, here is a breakdown of on-screen romances that epitomize this troubling reality.   

“Black love” in films teaches women if we are patient, forgiving, and self-sacrificing, we’ll eventually be rewarded with a good man or a changed partner who will choose us at the end of the day. But love shouldn’t be about endurance.  

10. “Sylvie's Love”  

directed and produced by Eugene Ashe

The struggle: Sylvie falls in love with Robert while engaged to a soldier deployed in Korea, and she decides not to tell Robert about her pregnancy because she doesn't want him to have to make a choice. She prioritizes him and his career over her own needs and the needs of her child. Years later, when they reconnect, he asks her to move to Detroit with him. She agrees without thinking twice, even though moving to Detroit means leaving her job to start over somewhere else. She was quick to want to sacrifice her career for him, a career had fought hard for in her previous marriage.

The message: A woman's love requires career sacrifice, regardless of her career’s worth. 

9. “If Beale Street Could Talk”  

directed by Barry Jenkins, based on James Baldwin's 1974 novel 

The struggle: Tish and Fonny's love is deeply touching, but it is Tish who carries the emotional burden throughout the film. At a young age, she’s the one dealing with the stress of Fonny's imprisonment, her pregnancy and the constant pressure of racial injustice.  

The message: Women must remain loyal and endure pain in the name of love. 

8. “The Best Man”  

directed by Malcolm D. Lee 

The struggle: Harper dates Robyn, despite his unresolved feelings for his “best friend” Jordan. When Robyn discovers his true feelings, he begs her to stay to help repair their relationship. Robyn needed time to think things through after this kind of revelation, but instead of giving her that space, Harper proposes to her and basically rushes her into marriage.  

Bonus struggle: Mia remains with boyfriend Lance, despite his rampant infidelity.

However, Lance nearly calls off their wedding after finding out she’s slept with Harper, angry that she was not as pure as he wanted to believe.  

The message: Men can be flawed, women must be perfect. 

7. “Just Wright”  

directed by Sanaa Hamri 

 The struggle: NBA player Scott McKnight connects with physical therapist Leslie Wright, but he chooses her cousin, Morgan, who is more of a typical trophy wife. It takes Leslie nurturing him back to health after a sports injury for Scott to fully "see" her. Despite the sex and their emotional connection, he persists with Morgan, taking far too long to realize his love for Leslie.   

The message: Women must prove their worth before they are deemed loveable. If Leslie hadn’t helped Scott recover, he likely wouldn’t have noticed her at all. 

6. “Brown Sugar”  

directed by Rick Famuyiwa

The struggle: Dre and Sidney have always known they were in love, but Dre marries someone else and leaves Sidney to deal with her feelings. Only after his own marriage falls apart and another man proposes to Sidney does Dre pursue her. But, instead of being upfront about his feelings, he continues to leave her to second-guess while he comes to terms with his feelings.  

The message: Brown Sugar claims to be a love story, but it hints that a woman's happiness is secondary to a man's self-discovery.  

5. “Love & Basketball”  

directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood 

The struggle: Quincy repeatedly disrespects Monica and flirts with other women right  in her face, then he breaks up with her with little thought. Even after the breakup, Monica is the one who reaches out to him when he’s hospitalized. She ultimately sacrifices her own basketball career and abandons a team in Spain for him, but  Quincy makes clear their breakup is her fault. She even blames herself for not choosing him during his time of crisis. And when she learns he is engaged to be married, she challenges him to a round of basketball to "win" him back. Quincy wins the match, but he realizes he can't live without her. 

The message: A woman must suffer and skirmish to prove her worth to a man who never, ever fights for her. 

4. “Why Did I Get Married?"  

produced, directed, and starring Tyler Perry 

The struggle: This film is a slog of a struggle story, particularly the relationship of Sheila and Mike, which is   rife with infidelity, emotional abuse and a lack of respect. Mike constantly belittles Sheila, particularly about her weight. He openly cheats while Sheila struggles with her self-esteem and desperately seeks Mike's approval. Only after intense battle does she finally divorce and meet the charismatic Troy, who is clearly more of an adult than her ex.  

The message: You must endure a barrage of mistreatment and humiliation in a toxic relationship to be rewarded with a “nice guy.”  

3. "Divorce in Black" 

written, produced, and directed by Tyler Perry

The Struggle: Dallas neglects and manipulates Ava during their marriage. He proposes a divorce as a power move, thinking she would fight for him. When she doesn’t, he snaps and resorts to violence. He kills Benji's cattle, harasses Ava's mom and shoots her father. Ava had suffers for years in the marriage before finally breaking free and finding love.  

The message: Struggle and suffering is necessary before finding peace with a good man.  

2. “Tyler Perry’s Sistas”  

created, written and executive produced by Tyler Perry 

The struggle: Gary and Andi's relationship is a giant wad of manipulation, love bombing and control through gifts, apologies and gaslighting. Andi keeps mistaking grand gestures for love, while facing Gary’s repeated betrayals and continues to give him chances.  

Bonus struggle: Aaron is a pest who pursues Karen despite her open disinterest. While seemingly romantic, his attention violates her boundaries because he often shows up unannounced and completely disregards her repeated, "No."  

The message:  Men can “purchase” the right to betray us with gifts. Plus, a man can disregard a very clear refusals so long as he is a “nice” guy.   

1. "Acrimony" 

written, produced and directed by Tyler Perry

The struggle: Melinda gives Robert her money, time and well-being. She believes in him, despite his years of unemployment and broken promises. As he becomes consumed by his ambition, she feels neglected and unappreciated. Soon enough, her loyalty turns into bitterness. (She would have saved herself if only she had left the first time he cheated on her.) Unfortunately for Melinda, it costs her absolutely everything. 

The message: Love demands endless sacrifice without reciprocity, even if it ends your life. 

“Black love” in too many films teaches women if we are patient, forgiving, and self-sacrificing, we’ll eventually be rewarded with a good man or a changed partner who will choose us at the end of the day. But love shouldn’t be about endurance.  

Consider ...

“The Photograph” 

written and directed by Stella Meghie

This movie depicts true non-toxic love. Mae and Michael’s relationship is built on mutual effort and vulnerability, not inter-relational victimization. Mae's mother, Christiana, made sacrifices for her career, but Mae learns from her mother’s mistakes and secures love with considerable less suffering.  

Black women deserve  representation of love that is fulfilling, not exhausting. And Hollywood must move away from glorifying “struggle love” and,  instead, depict healthy relationships where both partners are equally invested and love is not a test.

A real partnership is guided by mutual care, trust and respect. Black women deserve to see ourselves not only loved but respected.