This year I rented a community garden bed near my job, but my job keeps me busy, so I didn’t weed as much as I'd like. After weeks of absence and a bunch of rain, the weeds were supercharged. I spent days getting them back under control, and I gained valuable insights about life doing all that weeding.
Don't wait too late to weed.
I lost several rows of plants because I didn't pull the weeds out soon enough. This also applies to life and regularly assessing what things, people, and places are stealing nutrients and choking out your “growth.” What are weeds stealing from you? Are they stealing your joy and concentration, or time from your passions, or opportunities to attend to your health? Frequently assessing things helps you recognize what's being stolen, so you can quickly cut your losses.
I set my writing and publishing goals, but I started seriously dating a guy and submitted no articles and made $0. Sound a little weedy? Keeping up that behavior could have cost me $12,000 a year. That’s some expensive Netflix and chill.
How much better would you be if you were sharing your nutrients with companion plants instead of weeds?
I’m not saying don't date, but balance is important. Pay attention to what a new relationship is making you give up and honestly assess if it is a worthy exchange.
Deep-rooted weeds disrupt.
The longer you leave weeds near your plants, the deeper their roots. There were weeds in my garden with roots as long as my arm. Some stretched beneath my plants and pulling them out disrupted my plants’ root systems. The shock of that can kill sensitive plants. It’s no better when we let “weeds” linger in our lives for long periods. They get entangled in our minds, bodies, hearts, and finances.
Consider all the red flags we ignore as we entangle our lives with people we should have fled. We start cohabiting, sharing accounts, marrying—and then comes the 18+ year entanglement of children. At that point, weeding involves more than simply walking away. It requires relocation, asset division, custody determinations, and sometimes lawyers. Mix in a little heartbreak and it might seem like you’re fighting for your life. So, yeah, don’t ignore red flags. RUN!
Some plants are built tough.
Weeds took out several of my plants, but others survived. The ones that endured all had the advantage of height. They outgrew their weeds and left them fighting for sunlight in the shadows.
Some of us are built with strong support systems and problem-solving mindsets. We might meditate, journal, eat healthy, work out, and find our joy, which allows us to rise above our weeds. But how much better would you be if you were sharing your nutrients with companion plants instead of weeds? What if you were growing alongside marigolds that attract pollinators or bean plants that put nitrogen back into the soil to feed your growth? Think of how well you could be doing if you kept company and activities that nurtured your growth instead of hindering it.
Once I pulled my own deeply rooted weeds, I could invest the energy I was wasting on holding together a depleting relationship and put it into myself, my goals, my children, and more nourishing relationships. Every part of my life improved, including my health, my finances, and overall satisfaction. Being tough is no reason to tolerate parasitic relationships.
Deep-rooted weeds require tools and guidance.
I did all I could pulling out weeds by hand, but some weeds were stronger than I am. An older, more experienced gardener saw me struggling and told me to get a pitchfork and a shovel. The roots were too deep to pull by hand, she said. That works for the weeds in life, too. Other people have been wrestling the same weeds since before we were born. Therapist, mentors, wise elders, the internet, and friends (with sense) are your greatest asset when weeds overrun your garden. Don't be afraid to ask about tools and techniques.
Weeds thrive in the same environments and conditions as our desired plants.
My pitchfork-pushing gardening angel dropped another jewel while helping me with my deeply rooted problems. She said if you create a comfortable environment for weeds, they will invite their little weed friends.
The water, compost, and mulch I provide also benefits weeds, and some people are no different. They will hang around to catch the benefits of all our labor and nutrients with no intention of replenishing anything. It’s crucial to monitor our activities, the people we entertain, the stuff we hoard, and the places where we invest time.
For years I relied on the universe and circumstance to do my weeding for me, sometimes in painful ways. Now the universe is directing me to actively participate. I wish you also a fruitful weeding.
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Shanina Carmichael is a wellness advocate and a Black woman who loves to write about her experiences learning, unlearning, healing, and evolving. She is the mother of two beautiful Black boys.
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